I Tried on an Engagement Ring for ‘Fun’  & Kinda Completely Regret It

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I’m a hopeless romantic and the worst thing I could have done as a single cat lady was try on an engagement ring. It all started when my best friend and I took a trip to Cartier to discuss what she would like in the event of an engagement. She was listing out everything I needed to tell her significant other and I took the appropriate notes to make sure he knew what to get.

As we were looking at the gorgeous, sparkling rings, the sales woman Maria approached us. She already knew my best friend and her boyfriend since they are regulars at the boutique. After a quick introduction, we got back to the engagement rings. During the course of our conversation with Maria, I say on the side “oh, that’s a pretty one” while pointing to a simple round cut diamond on a gold band. It was nothing that I would have ever liked or wanted as my own engagement ring, but it was beautiful. Maria took the ring out and my best friend started asking questions about the cut, clarity, cost, and carats of this ring. Maria looked at me and asked if I wanted to try it on. To which I replied, “no, no, I couldn’t! I mean I’m not even looking for a ring! I’m single, no no.”

My best friend nudges me on and mentions that it couldn’t hurt.

Little did we know.

I took off the rings I wear every day. For once, my hand was bare.

I picked up the beautiful ring and slipped it onto my ring finger. It was the perfect fit – like they knew I would be trying it on today.

Once the ring was on, I didn’t want to take it off. I flicked my wrist in and out of the light, held my hand in the air, looked at it from afar, looked at it up close… It was magical.

It wasn’t magical because it was Cartier, though, that did add to the dazzle of the magic. It was magical because the ring symbolizes so much to me. The past three years have been a rollercoaster of husband searches. Yes, I was (tbh I don’t know anymore) on the hunt for a husband. I grew tired of the notion that people date for the sake of dating. There was no build up or end goal and I really hated that. I needed to find someone who wanted the same end goal or was willing to work toward something similar. The past three years have been constant strike outs of potentials.

The ring represents so much to me.

I regret trying the ring on because it reminded me of many things I don’t have, yearn for, and looked for.

Yet, I don’t regret trying the ring on because it humbled me.

I’m a princess, I could never hide that fact. The ring was “smaller” and less elaborate than I had ever wanted. Yet, wearing this simple ring humbled me. It showed me that no matter what I have on my finger, whether it’s a ring pop or a diamond the size of China, it would give me the same feeling. It would symbolize everything I wanted and hoped for. And when it comes down to it, that feeling is what’s most important.

So here I am, the single cat lady who tried on an engagement ring and kinda sorta regrets it.

Things Won’t Go to Plan and It’s Ok

I’m an A-type, planning, to-do list writing woman. On my 20th birthday, I came up with a ten-year plan. The plan would dictate my life from when I would finish college, start law school, get married, and have kids. Not only did I create the plan to ensure a sense of control in my life, it was there to guide me from year to year and life event to life event.

Today I’m 24, things won’t be going according to plan and for once, I am okay with that.

Here is the breakdown of what my plan was supposed to be and how it went:

  • At 20, I would graduate university one year early. ☑
  • At 22, I would apply to law school. ☑
  • At 23, I would start law school. ☑
  • At 24, I would be engaged. ⍰
  • At 25, I would be married. ⍰
  • At 26, I would be graduating law school and taking the bar. ⍰
  • At 28, I would start a family. ⍰

Do I sound crazy yet?

Keep in mind, I wouldn’t stick to the plan exactly, but it was a good way to guide where I was going in life.

Was I behind?

Was I ahead?

It didn’t matter.

At least I knew where I was in my life plan.

Here’s the thing – I’m 24 and nowhere near to getting engaged, married, or having kids. It’s not that I don’t want to be at that place, it’s just that certain things haven’t happened for me to be at there. A year or two ago, this would have driven me crazy. My close friends tried to reason with me and they were completely right – things will happen when they are supposed to happen. While it is wonderful that I know what I want in life, I cannot control things like I attempted to.

Turning 24 has been bittersweet for me. I acknowledge my accomplishments thus far – I graduated university a year early, worked at a top law firm for two years, started attending a law school that is ranked top 10 for IP, and didn’t get cut from law school. This all due to the support, encouragement, love, and solace from my phenomenal family and friends along with blood, sweat, and many tears on my part.

For someone who is A-type, plans to the minute, and makes to-do lists for everything, it has been hard to let go of my plan. The more I held onto it, the more upset I got. It wasn’t until I completely stopped focussing on when I wanted things to happen that I was truly happy.

Some days, it gets to me that there is a possibility that I’ll get married after 30 (I want to get married on the younger side, but that’s for another blog post) but that’s ok. Reaffirmation with my faith has taught me that it’s ok. God has a plan, not me. Things will happen when they are meant to happen. Until then, I will live life to its fullest and enjoy all the cake I get to eat today.

Things won’t go to plan and it’s ok.

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You’re Not Crazy, He’s Just an Ass

I cannot remember how many countless times a girlfriend has texted me “I’m crazy”. No my dear, you are not crazy. He is just an asshole.

When he lied to you over and over again, you had a right to be upset. That wasn’t you being crazy, that was your trust being broken.

When he blatantly talked to other girls in front of you or near you, you had a right to be mad. That wasn’t you being crazy, that was your faith being shattered.

When he chose others over you, you had a right to be frustrated. That wasn’t you being crazy, that was your presence being dismissed.

To the men who call women crazy, you’re wrong.

You’re an ass. You’ve lied, flaked, wandered, twisted, belittled, played, messed up… I can keep going on and on. You put this label on women saying that we are all “crazy” but we aren’t.

We call you out on your bullshit and that scares you.

We tell you that you are wrong and that angers you.

We tell you when you fucked up and that annoys you.

Stop throwing the word around and belittling women because you can’t handle the truth. It’s not us, it’s you.

*Disclaimer: Clearly this happens on both sides. Lying, betraying, and twisting is never ok from anyone. This rant came about from a conversation with a couple girlfriends about their experiences and frustrations. Shout out to the girls who told me how they feel and let me write about it! *