Things Won’t Go to Plan and It’s Ok

I’m an A-type, planning, to-do list writing woman. On my 20th birthday, I came up with a ten-year plan. The plan would dictate my life from when I would finish college, start law school, get married, and have kids. Not only did I create the plan to ensure a sense of control in my life, it was there to guide me from year to year and life event to life event.

Today I’m 24, things won’t be going according to plan and for once, I am okay with that.

Here is the breakdown of what my plan was supposed to be and how it went:

  • At 20, I would graduate university one year early. ☑
  • At 22, I would apply to law school. ☑
  • At 23, I would start law school. ☑
  • At 24, I would be engaged. ⍰
  • At 25, I would be married. ⍰
  • At 26, I would be graduating law school and taking the bar. ⍰
  • At 28, I would start a family. ⍰

Do I sound crazy yet?

Keep in mind, I wouldn’t stick to the plan exactly, but it was a good way to guide where I was going in life.

Was I behind?

Was I ahead?

It didn’t matter.

At least I knew where I was in my life plan.

Here’s the thing – I’m 24 and nowhere near to getting engaged, married, or having kids. It’s not that I don’t want to be at that place, it’s just that certain things haven’t happened for me to be at there. A year or two ago, this would have driven me crazy. My close friends tried to reason with me and they were completely right – things will happen when they are supposed to happen. While it is wonderful that I know what I want in life, I cannot control things like I attempted to.

Turning 24 has been bittersweet for me. I acknowledge my accomplishments thus far – I graduated university a year early, worked at a top law firm for two years, started attending a law school that is ranked top 10 for IP, and didn’t get cut from law school. This all due to the support, encouragement, love, and solace from my phenomenal family and friends along with blood, sweat, and many tears on my part.

For someone who is A-type, plans to the minute, and makes to-do lists for everything, it has been hard to let go of my plan. The more I held onto it, the more upset I got. It wasn’t until I completely stopped focussing on when I wanted things to happen that I was truly happy.

Some days, it gets to me that there is a possibility that I’ll get married after 30 (I want to get married on the younger side, but that’s for another blog post) but that’s ok. Reaffirmation with my faith has taught me that it’s ok. God has a plan, not me. Things will happen when they are meant to happen. Until then, I will live life to its fullest and enjoy all the cake I get to eat today.

Things won’t go to plan and it’s ok.

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You’re Not Crazy, He’s Just an Ass

I cannot remember how many countless times a girlfriend has texted me “I’m crazy”. No my dear, you are not crazy. He is just an asshole.

When he lied to you over and over again, you had a right to be upset. That wasn’t you being crazy, that was your trust being broken.

When he blatantly talked to other girls in front of you or near you, you had a right to be mad. That wasn’t you being crazy, that was your faith being shattered.

When he chose others over you, you had a right to be frustrated. That wasn’t you being crazy, that was your presence being dismissed.

To the men who call women crazy, you’re wrong.

You’re an ass. You’ve lied, flaked, wandered, twisted, belittled, played, messed up… I can keep going on and on. You put this label on women saying that we are all “crazy” but we aren’t.

We call you out on your bullshit and that scares you.

We tell you that you are wrong and that angers you.

We tell you when you fucked up and that annoys you.

Stop throwing the word around and belittling women because you can’t handle the truth. It’s not us, it’s you.

*Disclaimer: Clearly this happens on both sides. Lying, betraying, and twisting is never ok from anyone. This rant came about from a conversation with a couple girlfriends about their experiences and frustrations. Shout out to the girls who told me how they feel and let me write about it! *